Anyway... in conversations with my parents about my work, my creative endeavours and just general life; conversations tend to take a turn for the odd, often leaving me wondering "is this really happening?" So for your amusement I present you with sh*t my family says.
*Obligitory cover my ass note to any family whom may read this; Read at your own discretion. As with all things in my life, you don't have to be a part of it if you don't want to. I don't want to hear anything about it either! Freud would call it therapy- leave it at that. End obligitory cover my ass note*
I was telling my mom about my Alphonse Elric suit of armour/cosplay im working on;
Mom: "I don't know what that is send pics"
Me: "its a bit ambitious, but it'll be awesome. Plus, how many people can say they have a life sized suit of armour kicking round the house? I can put Leonard in it!" (Leonard is my house hold skeleton)
Me: "No, its for me. He's likely going to have to steer me thru the crowds while I rock it"
Mom: "Awesome.... I just thought you'd do something sexier."
Me:"Nothing like sexual objectification from your parental unit first thing in the morning.... truth be told its kind of a pain in the ass dealing with creepers at conventions constantly, so when I don't feel like it I will have this! Oggle my ass now douchbags, oh right, you cant see it! hah!"
Mom: "how are you going to look so manly?"
Me: "football padding, I think. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it"
I recently did a fashion show for my new carnival collection at the Taboo sex show. My dad came. My dad has never come to any of my fashion shows before, he's essentially as redneck as they come, and he chose to attend this one of all of them.... my last one was at a classy dueling piano bar, but nooooo the sex show is the one Dad came out to. Awesomeness ensued, well likely awkwardness for him but eh.... I have no shame hence why I'm posting this stuff! (and i'm getting even for childhood embarassments...heh)
Me: "Dad! Thank you so much for coming!"
Dad: "No problem kiddo, was finally in town for one of these. There are some *clears throat as awesome pony play girl walks by* interesting folk here."
Me: "oh yeah! The show is hosted by an amazing drag queen, shes sweet as pie! And I have my first androgynous piece in this collection, im excited about that- it fits like a dream!"
Dad: "A drag queen? like a tranny? whats androgynous mean?"
Me: "oh dad, no not like a tranny, those are two different things, and tranny is an offensive term to some- you wouldnt call a black person the N word, its the same premise. I have to go back stage and wrangle all the models now."
Dad: "okay, have fun with your queens"
After the show there were hugs and he pulled a dissapearing act that would make Houdini himself scrach his head in disbelief. I figure I will give him some time to digest all that was seen-that-cannot-be-unseen before chatting with him about it...
Mom: working on anything interesting lately?
Me: I finished my monster rug, which makes the ginger happy, since we can now get rid of that huge box of monster parts i've been lugging around for ages. (showed her a picture on my phone)
Mom: Show that to Grammie!
Grammie: wow... thats... uh... kind of ugly.
Me: Well thank you Grammie. I think its all kinds of awesome too. And as an added bonus I can throw it over my back and pester door to door sales people when they come by!
My brother Shawn has been dating a lovely girl whom hes picked up his latest fashion sense from. Im not generally opposed to wearing anything that makes you happy (or gets you laid) but I still have to get my digs in when I can, he IS my brother after all.
Shawn: Do you know of any close stores where I can go get a vest?
Me: ummm like a lumberjack vest? Or a suit jacket vest?
Shawn: a dress up kind of vest.
Me: I donno, try stores that sell fedoras, overly tight t-shirts and pants?
Shawn: Hah, thanks asshole.
Me: The fedora store called, they have a tighter pair of jeans!
I think thats enough familial embarrassment for now! Till next time folks!
